had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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