i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were trust falling into bushes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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