these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
