I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize