dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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