I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
