just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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