i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize