He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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