is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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