May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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