Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love having hate sex.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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