If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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