I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize