someone get that fucking seahorse.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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