Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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