i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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