why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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