I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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