I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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