I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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