I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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