I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize