i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
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I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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