You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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