The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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