She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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