Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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