nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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