She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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