these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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