1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize