Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize