Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize