dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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