in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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