Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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