the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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