Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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