idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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