I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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