his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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