I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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