I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You ruined the universe
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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