he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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