yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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