tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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