You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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