My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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