I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize